I realize that lately I've been feeling more and more emotionally numb. I believe this is due to a deficient amount of effort put into my problems. Though, there are a lot that can't be solved so simply. Weather or not he is to die, my mind has already accepted the fact my father has been removed from my life. I also am everyday dismayed with my computer. Instead of dealing with futile commissions, I've decided to get a job. I kind of wish I had someone to hold my hand the whole way but any sort of guiding figure has been removed from my life. I seem to walk around in a stupor, yet... I'm happy. I guess it's because that's become the norm. I feel happy, yet empty. I'm simply happy for the fact I have no reason not to be. This has lead to a string of irate actions towards anyone who starts conflict. I feel joyous with no real direction, or anyone to share it with. I still love Celia with all of my heart. I just can't hold her problems on my shoulders while my legs lift my own. On my back, I have the depression of my best friend, looking happy, yet more defeated than I do. I find it hard to be pleasant with her when on top of that, she confronts me with a bad mood. I never want to leave her side, but I wish she could understand the mental strain I deal with.. I know you feel you've been cheated by your parents, but in comparison, I have nothing. For your birthday, I gave you my funds as well as what was left of my birthday. While you complain about only getting pants (on top of a new TV, bed, and rockbands) I still have to pay away all my money to a woman who'd rather see me homeless than have a dime to my name. I don't mean to make you feel bad, but please just think of the implications before you speak.

Uhhhhg... ranting gives me a headache.
I need a shower.
I love you, celia.